I thought what this family needed the most was separation. I now feel like that was a big mistake. In about two weeks my mom, my brother, and my sister are moving about 5 hours away. My dad, our cat, and our dog are staying here. Christmas is approximately 3 weeks away and I’m here, more confused than I have ever been in my life. 2013 has turned out to be the worse years. It started out with me losing myself and it’s ending with me losing my family. What hurts the most is that I have absolutely no one to confide in. My mom wants to be free and independent from constantly having a man tell her what to do, my siblings are excited to move back to the area where we were born, and my dad, well I’m not really sure what he’s thinking. Quick background story about him; he was born into a family that didn’t really care for him (actually that’s an understatement). His mom gave him up to a foster shelter and he never felt loved or wanted. He taught himself to be strong, to survive. It was his older brother that would offer him money, food, shelter. He never felt the warm embrace of a doting parent. He never heard “I love you” or “I’m proud of you.” All his life he has been rejected. As a result, a wall has been built with each passing year of suffering. He met my mom and they quickly feel in love. They got married and they lived happily ever after? No. Those years of anguish have led him to where he is now. It’s hard for him to communicate with his wife, his children. He doesn’t know how to be a dad/support system to his children and he struggles with how to be a husband/friend to his own wife. I have lived 19 years with this man, who at most times feels like a stranger, but you know what… I love him more than ever. I understand him. This Christmas is going to be the first year in over 20 years he is going to spend alone and I so desperately don’t want that to happen. I wang him to feel loved, excepted, wanted. No matter what my mom feels, she needs to realize that he is one of the hard working providers we have ever known. I want to stay here at least for a couple of more weeks. I want God to dramatically change him so my mom will stay, but that’s the kind of things you only see in typical, cheesy Christmas movies on abc family. My “grown up Christmas wish” is that my dad will allow those walls to be broken and my family to be exactly what God intended us to be, a family.
I’ve been using Vaseline for about 2 1/2 months and I have seen tremendous growth in my lashes! Try it, it works!
Tension builds, tempers raise, doors slam. Remember when you were a kid and read about the idealistic family with the white pocket fence? Oh, how I wish to retreat back into those fantasies. How I wish I can retreat into an infant when my biggest trial was crying loud enough for my mom to change my diaper. Maybe my wish has come true. I’m crying. Crying. I’m crying and wanting someone to hear me, but to no avail… Do perfect families exist? Does love exist? Why does it have to be this way? You would think after 20 years they would find common ground. No, not here. They came together knowing they were different. He fought for her. Now, he fights with her. Because of this constant bickering, arguments, hatred, I’m not even sure love exists. I thought “I do” means forever. Now “I do” means I will, until “I don’t”. It’s, fine. Divorce. Divorce and maybe the people being hurt the most by this marriage, the ones born into this marriage will finally know what a real family looks like. Don’t let my mask trick you. I want someone to actually care, for once. I exist. I have problems. I lived this way for so long. For too long.
|—||Mechtild of Magdeburg (via johnnich)|
Favorite eye shadows of all time, the Naked palette. The colors are beautifully pigmented. It’s universal for all eye colors. It’s a little pricey, but it is defiantly a splurge item that is well worth it.
One of the most incredible and brave women I know. She has a heart of a fighter and a beautiful soul. She is the epitome of beauty.
So the main reason people choose mane’ and tale shampoo is because it is said to promote hair growth. This is true. Since using the product, I have seen a slight improvement in the condition of my hair and it has been growing. I have shoulder length hair and since using the product for about 2 months, I have noticed a difference. The only negative side effect to the product is that it makes my hair incredibly itchy and flakey, but I suggest using anti dandruff shampoo such as head and shoulders to fix the problem. I will post pics in about 2-3 months showing what consistent use of the product did for the length of my hair.